Ken Buist - FOUNDER

Transformational Speaker
expect to be enriched, challenged & empowered to be the best you can be by the Author, Speaker & Trusted Adviser Ken Buist.

Design Your Destiny™
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Developing Trust & Rapport™



There are common stages and often a specific sequence of communication that people go through in order to get to that ‘place of rapport’. For some it is intuitive, and they may or may not go through all of the stages to arrive at rapport. For others it is hard work, and they may have difficulty going beyond polite conversation.

Stage # 1 – Polite conversation & cliché…

Something the English are very good at, the main topic being the weather. It sometimes doesn’t even involve eye contact or listening, often expressed via the mouth without troubling the brain. Topics are ‘safe’ and often concluded with a cliché e.g. ‘all's fair in love and war’. Rapport at this stage is far off.

Stage # 2 – Facts & Information…

This usually employs some degree of listening and thought process but tends to involve ‘reporting’ rather than ‘communicating’. They can be delivered quite dispassionately, often via a series of statements with little need to involve personal conviction. Rapport is still far off, however we are beginning to reveal the building blocks of what may be important to us.

 Stage # 3 – Ideas & Opinions…

Now we are definitely engaging our brain, we are ‘surfing our mind’ and then transmitting what we think may be appropriate to the issue in hand. We are now revealing where we are coming from by submitting our opinions, (positive or negative), agreement or disagreement. Dependent upon the manner in which we do this we may well have opened the door for rapport to come right in.

 Stage # 4 – Feelings & Emotions…

Now we are involving our ‘soul’ which is our ‘Thinker’, ‘Chooser’ & ‘Feeler’. By expressing how we feel and displaying our emotions via the words we use, our tone of voice, our body language and pace, we are signalling: “this is how I really feel; these are the choices I have made. I am listening and responding to what you say (although my perception may be something different and I am reacting rather then responding).” If this matches the depth of your feeling we are connecting at a deeper level then the door is even wider open for rapport to occur.

 Stage # 5 – Congruence…

I am now being myself, not who I think everyone else thinks I should be. I am comfortable and at peace through being myself. I am displaying honesty and sincerity because I am being authentic. Although I may adapt my behaviour to improve communication, I am doing and being what I said I would do and be: there is congruency in my words and behaviours; we appear to have similar values, the message is you can trust me. We are almost at rapport.

 Stage # 6 – Rapport

We have a close and harmonious connection, there is mutual understanding and I sense empathy. There is an affinity and I am therefore prepared to trust you. We have RAPPORT.



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